Completed today (June 21st) as part of World Writing Day
“Bit of a cliché, isn’t it?” My worst critic said. I sighed.
“Look it’s all I can think of. Anyway what would you know?”
“Just writing about Writer’s bloody Block. How original and bold.” The comment was oozing with enough sarcasm to kick off a fight in a nunnery.
“Oh, that’s an idea there. What about fighting nuns?” The deafening silence I got back was enough of a response. “Alright nevermind then.” My gaze drawn back to the blinking cursor.
“Well you’d better write something. Make it funny too. That’s the stuff they like. Your other stuff is well shit.” My critic smiled.
I keep hitting the keys hoping my random word choices will miraculously apear on the screen.
“You spelt appear wrong. Two p’s.”
“So, your gonna help now? Why the change of heart?”
“Oh, you are still utterly awful, I just felt embarrassed for you.”
I turned away trying to drown out Mr. Critical with more key pressing. Random words and half formed ideas take centre stage in a great circus of second rate fiction. Sci-Fi gets blasted, Slice of Life Drama gets cut and well the Romance got told to fuck off. Mr. Critic certainly had his perfect comment lined up for whatever I typed out on the screen.
“Hey, you can’t blame me.” Mr Critic complained. “It’s all your own fault. If you wrote good stuff, no one would complain.”
“You are the only one that complains. Let me write my strange meta-rant thing.”
“Ooooooh, someone’s defensive.
Stop looking at the cat video and get back to work.”
“But he’s really cute! Look at him he can play a keyboard!” I say, a little too excitedly.
This time Mr. Critic sighs.
“Fine, I’ll get on it.” More key tapping, more random gibberish.
“God, it’s really gone off the rails hasn’t it? Best put an end to it.”
“Sure whatever, how should I do it?”
“I dunno, I’m just a figment of your imagination, who thinks you are a shite writer.”
“Oh thanks, that really helps.”
“Shut it. Just say it’s all a dream.”
“Bit of a cliché, isn’t it?”
“That’s my line. Just rip off the Sopranos and end it mid-sent…”