Lost Cat

May2018

 

 

 

 

 

I searched through empty rooms
hearing always the purr
though I found nothing but empty space,
little lost lumps of fluff and fur,
so I stopped and stayed within the gloom.

I looked around at forgotten art
seeing always a smiling face
and seeing there a steady hand,
each line lining an accurate trace,
joy returned to my heavy heart.

But now the child’s drawing must do
in place of masterpieces of old
as my searching mind grows slow
and the warmth within me grows cold
to remind me of the lost cat I once knew.

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Failed

There was no light
shining for me,
guiding the way
down a tunnel
of oblivion

No calming aura
to soften the blow
while fat faced angels
hovered protectively

Voices of loved ones
lost did not whisper
hello nor welcome
me to oblivion

For me;
pain, grief and anger
howled in the distance
while strange hands
pawed at a body tired
of fighting,
of living in torment

Silently screaming
to let me be,
to help me forget,
to scratch the horrors
from my mind

As the fog cleared
relief swept through
the room for all

But one.

Plastic Smile

It keeps you all
at bay,
this mask I plaster
on my face,
whilst underneath
the lie I’m dying,
slowly crumbling

‘I’m good’
‘I’m fine’
‘Don’t worry’
help the lie
upon its way,
fabrications
and diversions
to stop the words
I want to say

The truth is imprisoned
in my battered,
damaged mind,
as I fight to keep
it hidden,
to suppress the
fear within me

The shell in which
my soul resides
is repairing,
slowly healing,
yet the horror plays
on in my mind,
repeating
every feeling.

The Forest

The sky was vivid, painted turquoise by an invisible hand, free from the merest puff of wispy cloud. The sun caressed the morning with its warm, comforting hands, bathing everything it touched with love. A gentle, delicate breeze tickled the air. Majestic emerald pine trees stretched limitlessly with the promise of adventure and excitement still to come.

The girl headed confidently in to the forest having walked these paths so many times before. The trees, these gentle giants, cradled her with strong limbs as she passed through and under them, safe in their presence and all that nested within them. Everything associated with this place felt right to her. The sounds so familiar, the smells so comforting. It didn’t matter which path she took, she always found her way through the dense woods and back home.

It was a shock, therefore, to find herself suddenly on a path she did not recognise. She hadn’t seen it coming, was taken aback by this new route. It felt wrong, oppressive and dark. She glanced about her, desperately looking for the way back to safety, back to the familiar sounds and smells, back to that warm, cosy feeling of belonging in this place, but it was gone.

The trees, once so reassuring now seemed to be suffocating her, powerful arms reaching out to squeeze the last drops of happiness from her very being. The path was shifting beneath her as she frantically tried in vain to avoid the black, gaping chasm that was rapidly opening. Her feet began to slip towards the edge of the deep, murky, cavernous hole. Trying to grasp on to the roots of the trees, where once they were safe they now seemed to shift away, her cries for help falling on ears deaf to her plight.

She fell in to the pit as a gnawing despair and helplessness began to seep in to her body. There was no way out. Colours no longer existed. Feelings so foreign to her now dug their claws in to her mind. In a moment of terrifying clarity, she knew that there was only one way to escape from the pit, to leave the darkness, the despair and the terror behind her.

If only she had the courage.

The Battle

Sickness dwells
within the nooks
and crannies
of the mind

Contaminating
thoughts and words,
destroying life
from the inside

No one knows
how long it lives
before it starts
to bite

But slowly
and assuredly
it wins the
dreadful fight

With memories
of battles lost
the sickness spreads
too deep

The darkness
closes in,
the mind too sick,
too scared
to sleep.

The Black Hole

I am the darkness
inside your head,
I crumble your spirit,
make you long to be dead

I erase every colour
that brightens your world,
leave you gasping for air
as your life it unfurls

All the laughter and joy
are swept down the drain,
as I poison your mind
with unspeakable pain

The black hole it deepens
with each passing day,
no strength to climb out
nor keep the demons at bay

A life not worth living,
no light to be seen,
a tunnel to nowhere
full of silent screams.