Frozen

PP1902

My pen
hovers.

The paper,
crisp clean like virgin snow
waits.

Inside,
I look out
beyond those frozen gates
to a greener hill.

The snow has stopped,
the paper like melting snow
shows rocks.

I feel the thrill.

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Snow Blind

PP1902

The blindness isn’t the worst of it.

No.

It’s the burning.

The burning.

Oh Jesus motherfucking son of God, the burning! It feels like my retinas have been dipped in lighter fluid and struck alight. My eyes; watering. Dripping. Gushing. Each tear stinging as it seems to peel…no, rip…yes, rip…from my eyelids and trail down my face. My eyelids twitching. Twitching. Twitching. Little shots of pain stabbing into my eyeballs.

The blindness I can take. If it’s temporary. At least that’s what I’ve read anyway. That’s what snow blindness is, ain’t it? Temporary? Please fucking God, don’t blind me. No, it is. I’m sure of it. My eyes need rest. Calm. Lack of exposure to bright lights. Temporary; that’s all it is. Like I said, that I can take. But this pain. Holy fuckballs!! It fucking stings! Burns. I might be able to deal with this darkness, this lights out shit, if there weren’t two very small but very fucking vicious fires raging in each of my goddamn eyeballs!

What the fuck I’d give to slam my head in a sink of cold water right about now. No, better still, straight into the motherfucking Chukchi Sea over yonder! Yeah, fuck the freezing temperatures, fuck it all, I reckon I’d give just about anything to do that right now.

Even bound and fucking gagged the way I am. Who gives a shit. All that needs to go in is my head. My eyes. If I slipped in, meh, fuck it! Anything will do. Anything. Anything to stop this FUCKING PAIN!!!

Aarghhhh!

I mean fuck, man. It’s just shit out of luck. That’s all. It’s Alaska for Christ’s sake! Wainwright, fucking Alaska. The fucking ass-end of the world. The coldest fucking point of the coldest fucking place on the goddamn fucking planet. In winter! In the afternoon. 33C below. How the fuck was I to know that fucker of a sun would show up like that! Fuck, it weren’t shining before I came into this place were it?! It ain’t been shining for the best part of a goddamn month or so. Na, fuck that, try three months, maybe. Who the fuck thinks about wearing sunglasses in fucking Alaska in the dead of fucking winter, I ask you! Certainly not this fucker. They mentioned it once or twice up at the oil fields, up at Prudhoe Bay, but it never fucking happens does it? Fuck, man.

If only I could just get these fucking hands free. If only….argh…if only…arghhh…if…if……..if…arggggghhhhh!!!…

‘If fucking only this fucker, whoever the fuck he or she is, would just fucking let me out of these fucking bounds I’d be able to rub my fucking eyes!! Once! That’s all I’m fucking asking for! Just fucking once!’

God fucking damn it!

Fuck, how the fuck was I supposed to know someone would be in here! These houses are supposed to be empty this time of the fucking year. Vacation homes or some fucking thing. Surely not even the fucking Indians, or fucking Inuits, natives, whatever the fuck you wanna call them, surely even they aren’t stupid enough to fucking stay here during the winter. That’s what those fuckers back at the oil fields said. Fuck, man. Easy pickings, they said. Easy fucking pickings. Some of these houses up in this region belong to big fucking oil magnates, rich sons-a-bitches. The kind that get the fuck out of dodge when this evil fucking winter hangs over the place.

She weren’t…

I mean…she shouldn’t…

She weren’t supposed to be here. She shouldn’t have been there! I was only after money for fuck’s sake. Money, some valuables. Any jewellery. The usual. Whatever the fuck was lying around. If they hadn’t fucking canned me back at the oil field I wouldn’t have needed this shit, man. She shouldn’t have…she…housekeeper maybe, but what kind of fucking housekeeper would come out to clean a fucking house in this fucking weather, I ask you?! If she’d just stayed home. Or stayed in bed. Or…or…or whatever the fuck she should have done, rather than be here. I wouldn’t have fucking needed to knock her down would I? When she sprang out on me like that? Maybe I shouldn’t have taken that hit beforehand, man. I might have…might have thought things through. Reacted calmly, maybe. But fuck man, what the fuck else is there to do up here!? And no, no fuck that. She jumped out on me, man. Coke or no fucking coke, if she hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have had to fucking sock her one. And I wouldn’t have had to run out the house and get fucking blinded by that fucking sun and have this FUCKING PAIN burning my motherfucking fucking eyes!! Would I!?!? Fuck fuck FUCK it fucking burns!

It weren’t her that hit me though…when I came back in. I’m sure of it. It weren’t her that fucking cold-cocked me. No, I mean, she were out cold when I ran…I’m sure she was still breathing though…I mean…I mean she musta been…I mean I hit her a good one but fuck man…surely she…she has to be…I mean she did hit the ground like…well, like….like….fuck man. No, no. She ain’t dead. But it was a hell of a crack when she hit that floor…I mean…no. She can’t be dead. Someone else was here. They would have helped her if she were in trouble. He. He would have. Definitely a fucking he. That hit knocked me right the fuck out. It’s surely a man. Either that or very big fucking woman, I mean…

Fuck…

What the fuck is that noise?

Oh shit man…

Is that a….?

Ah the fucking pain, this goddamn fucking pain man! I mean you can’t fucking imagine anything like…

It is…ah shit man, that thing’s growling the fucking place up…

That’s a fucking dog.

Oh fuck, fuck. What the fuck kind of fucking freak show have these fuckers got planned. Oh fuck, man. My hands. If only I could just pull these things free. If only…this fucking darkness…this fucking PAIN!

Na, fuck, a dog would be ok. That I could deal with. This thing sounds like a fucking wolf!

It’s trying to rip that fucking door to shreds. Oh fuuuuuck…fuck this man. Fuck this! I need to get fucking up…I just need to…

Ah fuck! It’s ripping into my fucking wrists! Ahh shit!

That thing sounds feral, man. Oh fuck. That needs its feeding, man. Listen to it for Christ’s sake!

Listen to the…

Listen…

….to the footsteps.

Oh shit, man. Here we go…

I can’t see a fucking thing. Ah fuck. I can’t see a…

He sounds a like a big fucker…fuck man, that’s heavy fucking industrial boots by the sounds of it…stairs…fuck, I must be in a basement or some shit…

Quiet…

Oh fuck, man, no…

Oh shit, no…

He’s unfastening the leash…he’s…she…whoever the fuck…

No that’s the door handle…

That’s the…

‘Listen man, listen, this all a fucking misunderstanding, look it’s cool. I’m fucked man. I’m fucking blind, look. Snow blindness or some shit. Honestly. I can’t see anything. Seriously! Fucking snow blindness, man. When I ran out…the sun…the light…it…Karma or shit. Ha! Fuck, man. I’ll be gone. Just untie me man, I’m gone, I need a hospital man, look, look, seriously man, I’m fucking gone, let me go and I’m gone, I fucking swear…I swear…I’m sorry man…I just needed…look, I’m…look, I’ll be gone…just keep that fucking thing away from me man, I swear…I fucking swear…I…I….hey?…look, man….hey?….’

Silence..

Maybe he’s…na…but maybe…maybe he’s thought…

Ah fuck it burns…it fucking burns!! IT FUCKING…

Shit.

The creak of the door…the snarling…the footsteps…

The darkness…

The…

Fuck.